Thursday, February 21, 2008

Rent A Kitty

Disclaimer: I actually like cats and care about animal rights, and would never do this in real life... well... unless it made me really rich :)

I don't know if I've managed to find weird friends, or if this is just something a lot of people do and avoid talking about it, but one of the most entertaining boredom killers for me is to think of absurd, disgusting ideas and discuss them with friends. I often do this simultaneously with various friends over chat to see what their similarities and differences in reactions are. Here are four anonymized conversations to give you a sample.

Conversation 1:

me: I had an idea for a service
rent a kitty
you get a kitten for 6 weeks
and when it gets old
you return it for a new one
perpetual cuteness!

A: heh
I'm afraid to ask what you plan to do with all of the 6-week-old kittens. I actually like cats.

me: I actually didn't think that part through
give them to you, I guess
you got room for a few thousand cats?

A: I'm also quite afraid to try rule 34 being what it is

me: hmm... just parked

A: maybe someone else had the same idea and got stuck on the logistics of handling that many cats

me: Well if you think about it
you'd need breeders to keep up with demand


me: and if you could sell a few from ''

A: that doesn't sound good

me: for people who don't want the burden of a baby kitten

A: true

me: try to keep it at a constant growth rate proportional to the demand
I'll need some scientists and shit
and economists
it'll be a very complicated operation

Conversation 2:

me: idea for a web 2.0 money fest
I mean... everyone loves how cute kittens are
but then they grow up
we solve that by swapping out your cat once every 6 weeks

B: what do you do with grown up ones?

me: Oh... I don't know. Give them to the Icanhascheezburger people?

B: I had an idea for a website a while back
Basically it is like American Idol, but with puppies
and people vote by donating money

me: ahahahaha

B: and the puppy with the least amount of money loses..... its life....
I wouldn't actually kill the puppy
just tell everyone I'm going to
then tons of people would donate
and I'd get lots of publicity
kind of like that dude with the bunny
me: lmmfao great idea

Conversation 3:

me: I have a great idea that will make money flow like water
"Rent A Kitty"
you give people a kitten for 6 weeks
and then when it gets old
replace it with a new one
perpetual cuteness

C: What will you do with all those cats?

me: you mean the leftovers

C: Yes.

me: idk. I guess I'll run the business in Calcutta
then it won't so much matter, now will it?

C: /me laughs.

me: maybe I'll run another site
'the mature kitty'
for people who don't want the burden of a young kitten

C: I'm sure your could work an affiliate deal with

me: ahaha
actually... I'd probably keep the cats
We'd need breeders to keep up with demand

C: True.

me: ahaha... I told 4 people about that idea
and without hesitation
everyone asked
"What will you do with the cats?"

Conversation 4:

me: Get rich scheme...
rent a kitty
everyone loves cute... loveable kittens
but then they grow up!
so... 6 week rental then a replacement comes to your door!

D: whereas we, with no moral scruples about destroying the adult cats once they have outlived their usefulness, can take on the moral burden of doing so. A valuable service! kind of like confession.

me: ahahahaha
and to be fair, many will be needed to be retained for breeding
especially if the service takes off

D: true, only the cutest survive

me: We'll have a scale that measures how wuvable they are
maybe even a post-rental survey
is this kitten the most wuvable kitten you've ever seen?
we sort them in boxes based on that
and the ones that say "NO" just go into a giant pit of fire

D: also have an un-cute kitten service. Someone out there must need that.

me: and a mature cat service
so actually... we could probably cut down on disposal costs quite a bit

D: or just a service for peple who like to throw cats into pits of fire

me: if we learn how to operate in many niche markets

D: gotta run to class...
me: ooh, right, we could get paid for their labor
D: but this definitely has potential!

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